backpacking through Asia is some sort of right-of-passage to many westerners. I did not find my experience there as such. I didn’t lose my heart in Thailand like many do. nor did I find romance and novelty in roaming the swampy slums much longer than the time I was given. it was interesting, absolutely. enlightening, yes.

if anything, it reiterated the fact that I was born under the north star and thrive in a blizzard. I love cold moonlit nights and my idea of perfect weather is steady temps of 24 degrees with snow in the mountains. I cherish the cold. I love the cold. I love the way it makes me move. heat makes people lazy, lethargic and unhealthy.

I could not fall in love with Thailand, because I’d lost my heart to Montana a long time ago.

regardless. I said good bye to my family at the airport after landing in Bangkok and embarked on a mission with a just a couple items in my tiny pack into the promised land of Thailand. I had ten days to kill with absolutely zero plan and no agenda… and no idea, what so ever, where I was going to spend my ten days. I promised them, that I might aim to meet up at the end of the ten days in Hua Hin. otherwise, I was open to what ever might come my way.

some people think I am insane. some people think I am bad ass. some people think it’s normal. my friends in the US think its completely normal.

Thailand is an easy country to travel through and relatively safe, thanks to it’s Buddhist population that seems almost incapable of physical harm or ill will. Bangkok felt like I was wearing it on my skin. trains felt like I was wearing it on my skin. the air was stagnant, fragrant and hot. I took a train up north and visited the small town of Ayutthaya for a couple days. rented a bicycle and roamed around. returned to bankok, flew to Ko Samui, took a ferry to Ko Tao, found safe haven there on the sandy beaches, under the palm trees. in a quiet cove snorkling with all them pretty colored fishes and looking at corals. eventually made my way back to mainland, up the coast to Hua Hin and enjoyed the last couple days at a 5 star resort. enjoying CLEAN food, poolside cocktails and tuk-tuk drivers who weren’t trying to rip me off. I did, however, get jumped by a monkey and almost eaten by a rabid pack of street dogs.

after a few days in thailand and eating local food, there came a point where everything smelled the same. Ayutthaya was a combination of foul smelling sewer and canals, garbage and slums, mixed with sweaty people and street food. when I finally got ill for a day and spent 8 hours projectile vomiting violently every 20 minutes (to the point I considered checking into a hospital just to get an IV), several days after that I could not distinguish the difference between the smell of a slums, shit, sewer, sweat and the smell of food. everything smelled the same. I became desperate to find nutrition. thai spicy isn’t awesome when you can’t keep water down. I turned to eating fresh fruit and toast. and focused on recovery.

eventually I did and returned to enjoying Thai food tremendously. also, in Hua Hin, the smell of sewer was only in passing and slums weren’t a prominent feature. where the royalty of Thailand vacation…

my impression of Thailand as a destination, it’s travelers and the hordes to tourists that flock there, do so because they don’t know how to enjoy their lives otherwise. if anything, seeing it all made me kind of sad. it made me sad for what is happening to Thailand. and it made me sad to see the debauchery of the westerners. in contrast it kinda made me see what awful people most westerners are. I met some teachers in Ayutthaya, living there permanently from europe and the US. the people I met from the US were from places like New York and LA. they talked all kinds of shit about the US and I found their views to be fairly twisted and of someone who spent their entirely lives in shitty places and never actually explored the US or gave it much chance. I found it curious how they felt there was no place to escape within the US, and rather, lived in exile. in their opinion, Thailand was the shit. one had spent two weeks in Cambodia, got a tattoo in Cambodian and treated me like I was an ignorant tourist cause I was just passing through. they also treated me like a country pumpkin cause I told them I lived in montana, in a small town of 800 people. by choice. new yorker.

it also made me understand even with more staggering clarity how my values belong to someone of a very privileged life. it made me ponder the notion how getting rid of everything I own, buying 5 acres and moving into a trailer made me rich beyond my dreams. living without running water or electricity made me… alive? and it was actually remarkable easy once you stop believing the norm that tells you it’s impossible to build your own house, or to live without water. every person I know has a shower. what do I need my own for?

life is interesting. isn’t it?

some people strive to live in cities. some people want “culture” and refuse to accept that even small town Montana has rich culture. just because it’s your own, doesn’t make it any less so. it made me understand, again, how much I’ve been given. it makes me blessed. I have everything I need in life. and much much more. I live an amazing life.

I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.

“I guess this long distance thing isn’t going to work after all. give moose a hug for me see you back here in the US”

I went for a run in the misty morning rain. sat and cried. ran some more.