you’re as sweet as strawberry wine. you’re as warm as a glass of brandy.

so here goes. this might be too x-rated for some, stop now if you don’t want to know about my escapades.

usual evening at big sky. aprés at scissor bills with Kristina and Mark. there’s a party of 26 dudes from various parts of the US. wild night. I want to cut out early, go get moose and cuddle up at home with netflix. some drunk dude insists on walking me out, me finding great humor in all this I let him. soon enough he lures me into their condo next door. there’s a hot tub and all.

party rolls on. there’s 26 guys to choose from, I’m like a kid in a candy store. don’t even know what to do with myself. hooking up with drunk guy, but flirting with his roommate Sean. eventually him and I want to cut out. I bail, Sean meets me around the corner. god, damn, he is so insanely hot. body of a football player. big dick, to the point  I am almost too tight. the sorta body that he has been a body builder but let it go a little, so he’s thick, warm and insanely soft. and big.

Sean and Brett we’re sharing a room. a king size bed to be more specific. I was going to sleep right next to Sean, him squeezing my hand under the blanket, telling Brett that seems like I am sound asleep. I’ve got my hand on his dick under the thick covers. Brett finally leaves and Sean and I burst into it like rabbits. my god he is so hot and sex with him is so insanely hot. hot hot hot.

while we are going at it, Brett walks in on us. Sean doesn’t stop but just keeps going and finishes. Brett has been rubbing my nipples and now grabs my ass, pulls me close and enters me. Sean stays with me the whole time, kissing me, holding me and caressing me all over. Brett finishes quickly. I get up, go into the shower, Sean follows me and we take a shower together. he is ready to go again and we have wild sex in the bathroom. against the mirror, him fucking me from behind.

we finally make it back to bed. and do it all over again, this time trying to be quiet. Brett is asleep or pretending. we are on the table, on the floor. against the dresser. hot hot hot.

we fall asleep, me between the two of them. Sean and I wake up again sometime in the middle of the night. and we fuck gently and quietly, with both of us coming quickly.

the morning dawns with all three of us hung over as shit. there’s giggles and jokes and all is well. not awkward. they treat me like the utmost gentlemen they are. they are very sweet and caring. and this is odd, but at night they got me merino wool underwear (odd, I know). but they bought me $120 worth of merino wool underwear. treated me like a lady the entire night and the morning and watched over me. we had breakfast the next morning at bugaboos. they both hugged me good and kissed me good bye and we waved off.

no phone numbers. what happens in big sky, stays in big sky.

no matter what happens. no one can take me away. the skin I was born in, will be mine until the day I die. the best I can ever give myself and the rest of the world, is to simply love me just the way I am. to adore me the way I am. I am my own entertainment center. I am my own love.

I am a trier. I am a survivor. I am a fighter. I am a riser.

I had my fun. I loved Cory Hardy. he’ll probably become someone that got away. but he’s also someone whom needed to get away. he is what he is and I knew what I got into when it started. but it sure was fun. life has taught me to let go, accept the things I cannot change and smile on. in fact, smile big, because it was incredible to feel that way again. I loved! I really did. I can!

and so I got my groove back. I got my skis back under me. I am the queen of the mountain. I rip and people have taken notice. they really do. it’s a bit of a high… I met up with some people I’ve never skied before on friday. got ski patrol locals tour down Marx a couple times. side stepping to fresh tracks! community service. with the same crew I ended up lapping Marx with…. they ducked the gate to the Lake and invited me along.. magical moments. new friends. and giggles and phone numbers from boys..

I keep hiking headwaters and nothing in there scares me anymore. which is startling. today I kicked up a fresh track up the knife edge ridge in the gale force winds, freezing the other side of my face, and felt the high. such a beautiful place to call home. I could see Eric & Annie’s from there. Dropped into Hellroaring, traversed into Firehole and enjoyed wholesome powder.

my church.