I’ve got 8% battery power left. that means 11 minutes to tell you how I feel.

since I have lived in montana, I have not had a high pressure job that kept me glued to the computer or kept me very busy. it has been about a year and a half since I felt this kind of pressure in my life. but I feel like I can’t really call it pressure, I should call it ‘productivity’. I should call it ‘making a living’. the way the rest of the world does it. and even then, a milder version of it.

after working a long busy day, once again I find myself in a different pace. like the one I used to know. I have slowed down my life to such a bleak meandering pace that kicking it back up to speed is a reality check of sorts. suddenly it has dawned on me what I am really like. I forgot this part of me. I thought I could wash it away.

it hit me today when I called James to say hi after my work day and the amount of time he took to reply to my sentences seemed painfully slow to me. I forgot where I came from. I forgot how driven I can be. I forgot how full of fire I can be.  suddenly I see, plain as day, that the one I love may not be there to stay?