hmph. I have been annoyed I guess. or just a little discontent. unhappy to an extent. I don’t know if I am allowed to be bothered by it. I am going on six months of this operation best described as reintroducing a shared life into the picture. and there are days when I absolutely hate it. I find it annoying that the other person won’t just do what I want, won’t just be there when I want. yeah. I hate him a little for it. I hate the fact that he makes me feel sad. I hate him for the fact that I feel like he doesn’t care.

I want to be spiteful. I want to say ‘well, fine. I don’t care anyways, so fuck off.’ or that in fact, I am going to fuck off and go about my business. I hate him for that he doesn’t call. probably, if it wasn’t for the fact that James was in my life, I would probably be moping around yearning just to have a companion in my life. so I don’t know if there’s actually any real difference.

I have been miserable for days and there’s nothing I can do to change it.

is there?