I have noticed that I have been alone long enough that I have reached a certain level of comfort with myself that my self confidence has grown. I have always been confident, but lately that has taken on a different shape. an euphoria of sorts. I have found my best friend in me again. I knew it would come and it’s finally here. I finally made it to the space where I have ached to get to for a couple years. I knew it existed and I knew exactly what I was getting at, I also knew that only time would bring me here. nothing else, but time. I knew for a long time that I needed this. badly. I have needed to be able to completely redefine who I am as a person and that isn’t anything I could have ever found if I was in any kind of relationship with anyone. and certain part of me is somewhat bitter towards all those who almost tried to force it upon me. I said I didn’t want it, and my will was not respected. WHY?!!? but should I blame them? maybe it was my fault I wasn’t clear enough? but the again, I didn’t really know what I needed or wanted at the time.

but now, I feel like I can finally say.. I think I am a pretty cool person. I like myself. I know it’s an idiotic thing to say, but I finally feel it and am very happy with who I am. and very happy always to spend time with myself. I enjoy life looking at it from where I am, from my perspective.

I understand now that for a while my body and mind put on a mental block of sexuality, as well as blocked me from being able to be attracted to someone. I feel like I have crossed that threshold now, and it might be true that I might find myself to be more attracted to other people. maybe? I was pretty devastated by what happened to me. It has taken almost two years to recover, it’s amazing how someone can be broken and what ensues. I stand amazed.