every bit of it is weird. new, unusual, against my current protocol. I can’t believe I made a promise to someone. in my heart, I doubt myself. doubt my ability to pull through and my ability to keep a promise to another being. I don’t know how I got roped into that one and how I managed to let go for long enough to let it happen. I am not worried about him, I am pretty sure he will be there as promised. but what about me? I feel like I didn’t really think it through and I don’t want to end up being the one (once again) disappointing someone’s hopes and letting them down especially since I actually made a promise of some sort.

the whole thing is just strange and funny. to be glued by the hip for a solid week, each knowing the good byes are inevitable. being equally baffled by the fact that, yes, it really has only been a week. then in the eve of departure making promises to one another of some distant effort to come. how will it be next week? how will it be a month from now? I want this. I want to promise. I want all of it, just because it’s him, but can I keep a promise? should I? in general, WHY am I making commitments and promises to another person? it’s an odd thing to do. to make such a promise just after one week, but I guess we thread in the same water and it makes total sense for both of us.

rent-a-boyfriend.