there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I feel great. being surrounded by my family and being involved in the family business makes me feel really good. I realize I haven’t visited Finland in a long time without someone holding me back and someone harassing me with phone calls and someone to tell I miss them all the time. I find myself enjoying it, I am grateful I am free to live my life.

I am busy here. I find myself (again) trying to find ways to compromise my life between here and there. I find myself gravitating towards Finland more, because, whither I like it or not, I am needed here and I have more work than I can accomplish. I need to find a way to come here during spring as well. I think in the future, I am leaning towards april-may and again mid august-mid november. If I give up ski patrolling, I’d have more time to be here.

life is making choices.

something else it taking root. I am finding different ways to go on adventures. while the Finns have become so removed from the wilderness and a simple life style, they still harbor some strange approach to life that is common sense and down to earth. but in ways I don’t think they understand. everyone in finland knows how to make a fire. everyone knows how to pick mushrooms and berries and how to swing an axe to chop wood, how to make bread from scratch. everyone knows how to oar a boat. everyone knows how to cross country ski. well, that might be a stretch. but when someone dies, it’s accepted as a part of life, and we move on with a shrug. thus is life.

last weekend I spent on the island with the immediate family. put on my rubber boots, heated the sauna, chopped wood, collected chanterelles. explored the numerous islands in a rowing boat during calm water. I was amazed again how fast you can go in a row boat, moving across vast bodies of water quickly. something about being out in the open black water makes me nervous, but I seized the opportunity to go far. I loved every minute of it. I loved island hopping and checking out new islands I’d never seen before. that huge island with a few trees and cliffs jutting out, waaay out in the middle of the large body of water, was way too attractive to pass up! I’m actually way more into the row boat now, I think because of what it represents. rather than the canoe, it’s a lot faster solo, it’s also significantly safer to go further, not having to be terrified of the slightest wind storm and being able to make it home. at night I set out a storm-lantern on the island shore before heading out, so I could find my way home again.

in ways, finland is very beautiful and I’ve always put it down. you just have to find it. go looking for it.