“Read your blog…forgot that you had one until drinks the other day.  It’s unfortunate to hear that you feel so strongly about Bozeman and those of us who live here.   It’s hard not to take it personally.  I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to feel that way about a town I live in and choose to stay.”

I see.

I could see how someone might get offended by my last post. my language comes off a bit angry. when I wrote it, I felt like saying it. I might be wrong here, but I don’t think you have any right to be offended by something that was not intended for you. contrary to what you might believe, you are not the topic of my conversation.. well, until now. and well, maybe you did see yourself in that post… so, did I nail it? before you jumped to conclusions, did you bother to read the post prior? or the last five? did you see a post couple years back about my struggles with this town, that relentlessly continue from one season to the next?

it’s kinda like eavesdropping into a conversation you know nothing about.

I write to remember my life. these are intended for myself, not for you, as a reminder how I felt that day. where I was and who I was. any of whom care about me enough to read any of this junk I spill out, know my background and where I come off saying this. they have most likely taken the time to read MOST of it. most likely, have been there with me through these few years and have a pretty good understanding not to take these things to heart. then there are those who googled me and randomly found this, but oh well.

writing about my life is how I get to my zen garden, I am raking the sand. I come here to rant, love and cry. sometimes I’m kicking and screaming.

if you actually took a little time and read what I write about, you might also know what it has felt like to ski here the past three years, encountering one attitude after another. encountering isolation. but hey, since you don’t ski, rock or ice climb, run white water, mountain bike, or do anything other than snowshoe and hike how could you know, I don’t expect you to know. (or that’s just what you say you do, but I’ve gone on two hikes with you over the three years I’ve known you). in essence you don’t engage in any adrenaline sports. I am not blaming, I don’t care what you do. but you have no idea what kind of a town we live in if you are not the least bit involved in the sports that dictate our lives. or the attitude that follows them.

I wish you could take a moment to step outside of yourself and at at least try to imagine what my life is like. and know that I live in paradise. and that to me, this place is heaven on earth. I have friends in montana whom I am much closer to, who know exactly what I am talking about. and that Bozeman’s general masses are the butt end of a few jokes.

you have no idea what it feels like to plan yurt trips and have a hard time coming up with 6 local people to fill the yurt. or want to go mountain biking and have exactly two people to call, who work every day. you have no idea what it feels like to not have rock climbed a single peak in montana in two years since I don’t know anyone who climbs trad! and in essence have given up my climbing career for the time being because of it. do you know how much I would love, no, die to tie onto the end of a rope and climb up an icy couloir with a good climbing partner? do you!!??

I can’t imagine you really get how much it means for me to ski, how it rules my life. and how it breaks my hearts that skiers in this town are such assholes. do you know why I choose to live in this town? you also have no idea, what amazing resort we live right next to. what it’s like to drop into a couloir, clear a cliff, rail a log and scare the shit out of myself on a daily basis at our local hill. I’m guessing you could hardly appreciate the fact that I equate skiing to sex, and vice versa or what that really means. it’s my life line. these sports, are my life line. you don’t know who I am when I ski; you don’t know who I am.

as it is we hardly hang out, because you just can’t seem to find the time. don’t act all apologetic about it, I don’t mind. I don’t sit around hoping you’d call to hang out. I have a few good friends and know a few awesome people in this town.

did you ever take the time to know what this feels like, who I am, or what makes me awesome?

so, what makes you awesome?