I’m glowing this afternoon.

there’s something to be said about sleeping with an older man. though I think he might qualify as an older boy. a grown up boy who has furniture and shit. either way, I appreciate his lack of pressure on me, lack of questions when he might see me again. lack of expectation. just appreciating that we saw each other today. spending great 24 hours together knowing it might be the last in 6 months, possibly ever because by then I may have moved onto other things. even thought I have zero plans on committing to anyone in any distant future. but life happens.

he cooked for me, waxed my skis, rubbed my feet, napped with me, made love to me and looked after me for a day. he calls me sunshine, I kinda liked it. it feels incredibly good to have someone who can’t get enough of me. stares at me for hours and wants to touch me all over. someone who is impressed by all that I am, what he sees after a short period of knowing me. someone who wants to pull my hair and have his way with me. someone to be enthralled about the way I come, when I come. I’d say he’s flat out excited about it. someone to admire me, to teach me things, to adore me, to respect me enough to never ask when. but when i am there, to take what he wants. it’s incredibly sexy. this lack of displays of caring, but being way into me all the same. caring, with the respect that I will call and come over when I am ready. I also like the fact that he is honest about missing me and being way into me, he’s not afraid to admit it.

it’s perfect. I am glad he is leaving and I am letting go. he made me feel good, he gave me a reason and a purpose. whenever I am done hanging out with him, I always feel beautiful. I feel incredible. he helps me stand up taller. not necessarily him in particular, but the effects of having someone who is such a badass, to want me so honestly and thoroughly. and to admire my badass-ness. it’s awesome, I feel fantastic.

it’s almost, in a way, like he knows he doesn’t get to keep me, so he’ll never ask. just like he doesn’t want to be kept. but all the same he’s enthralled by the moments he gets to spend with me. he won’t push or pursue, but an eager participant. I see tremendous respect in that. it’s just what I needed right now.

Ted, thank you for elevating my heart. see you on the flip side.