so. the winter has arrived and I feel like myself again. I don’t feel like the lost puppy that I have been in the past couple of months, just waiting. last week I skied 3 times and went to bikram yoga 4 times and I feel like I got my ass kicked. and I feel terrific! I was skinning with Cass up at beehive on Saturday. it was over-cast, windy, kinda f’n cold, but gorgeous none-the-less. while I was skinning behind Cassie, I realized how much I truly appreciate her friendship. I haven’t spent a ton of time talking to her, pretty much ever, but as usual, it seems that the best friends are made in the quiet of the mountains, each diligently working to towards our line. and I spent some time thinking about the friends in my life. I have some very good ones I have made through out the years.

I have to let something out. it seems thou that I am going through an entire re-inventory of my friends. mcfrye is gone, reno with it. and I have realized that I have no interest in being lindsey’s friend. while I am kinda hurt by the fact that she doesn’t want to be my friend either, I know that we are actually not compatible as friends. at all. all she seems to care about is partying and flaunting this image of her self of being a mountain girl and a bad ass in the snow. but in reality, I have discovered it to be mostly talk and the people she surrounds herself with aren’t people I really care to know either. she hangs in a crowd of college kids and every other day is a rager. party friends. no thanks.

I know you can tell I am a little bitter about all this, but I have to get this out of my chest. I feel kinda bad about it. but at the same time, I know this is inevitable. but what kinda nags me about it, is the sad realization that as soon as you try to be a true friend to her, and call her out on the bs she has been doing, she jumps ship and signs you off as a friend.

the reason why all this is coming out now, is because I actually ran into her a few times this weekend. talked to her for about a second or two at a time while she was sooooo busy running off with her entourage. the sad part about it is, that I know that a part of it is a show for me, so she can seem like she is super popular and has so many friends she doesn’t need me. how quickly all that changes. this summer, she seemed to constantly trying to get me to come out, and often I seemed to be one she relied on to be her partner in crime. which, actually, always just involved being boy crazy and partying. trying to desperately make those memories that turn into inside jokes and flying slogans amongst friends. even then, I kinda thought it was silly and I am just not that interested in it anymore. the desperation to seem cool and to live a rock and roll life style. I am different these days, I’m just older. and I feel like even in the days when I was ‘cool’ I never had to try so hard.

in fact, I don’t even care that much about having a million party friends. I just want a few really good ones. and the ones that spend time in the mountains. I knew, even this summer, that all I really was for Lindsey was a party friend. someone who would be available to accompany her to the bar and parties, so she didn’t need to show up alone. but that’s what party friends are like, you never really actually do anything with them, other than go to parties and meet em for beers. and in my years, I have learned that those friends rarely become true friends to you. and just as quickly, they evaporate.

the truest friends can be made skinning in the mountains, having pot lucks and spending an evening knitting together. being there for them when they need you. knowing they would be the one to call if your car broke down. and while I feel like I have a few true friends in this town, I have also known that majority of the time, the friends you make in the first year of living in a new town, those ones usually turn out to not become the friends you end up having on the long run.

on saturday I also hung out with Chris and company and I would have to say that I had a great time. I really like hanging out with him and appreciate him being my friend also. slow but steady, people come out of the woodwork and become your friends. it takes time to meet the right ones.