when I was headed to Portland I was slightly worried what I would find. granted I had dreamed of moving to Montana or some place similar for years, but when I left, I felt like I was driven out of town equally as much as I just dreamed to be some place else, knowing that my time in the city was up. but coming back here I was slightly worried I would find that a part of me left for the wrong reasons.

coming back to this city also reminds me of what I left behind. I am relieved to find, it doesn’t even make me flinch. life goes on. there are a few I let go willingly, some grudgingly. and a few, whom I wish I wasn’t letting go, but understand that their moral character no longer has room in my life. life’s too short to share with those who’s lack of integrity in life and relationships remains in question. no thanks. never again. therefore it’s better to walk away and appreciate all those who are in my life, who choose to be and whom I love, just for who they are. who were there when I really needed them and who love me just how I am.

as much as I absolutely love this city and think it is the most amazing city I have ever seen, I realized that tho I miss it, my life in the city is, without a doubt, over. I miss the pacific northwest and the rain like crazy. I miss the fall, summer.. all the seasons for all the different things they have to offer. part of that is due to having lived here for 8 years and feeling like it is my home, and I know I will eventually feel the same way about Montana. I realize I have fallen in love with my life there, it’s hard not to. I look forward to becoming better friends with it. coming back here, I realize how much I appreciate Bozeman. I love the lack of people, the quiet, wide open spaces, I could get lost in Montana. I am staying there.

it’s really good for me to experience this and to have the chance to reflect. to finally know in my heart that I made the right decision. I kinda had to come back here just to make sure and I am relieved what I have found. it’s clear to me now.

regardless… Portland is in full bloom. rain showers, flowers, birds, gentle breezes. people out enjoying the sunshine. out in the parks, riding bikes, walking their dogs, going out to lunch, getting afternoon drunk, going to the farmers market, shopping for organic and healthy foods, smiling and being happy. waving at me. I am smiling on my bike, loving life. it’s amazing to be on my bike again to relive what I love about this city.

it’s good to visit, but I belong in the mountains…